I can finally talk about the funeral next week on television show Offspring, following the gut-wrenching death of much-loved character Patrick last night.
I think my girly buddies who adore him have gone into hiding today behind dark sunglasses. I haven’t heard a peep out of them.
Now you know, girls, why I couldn’t tell you who was about to die, apart from signing a confidentiality agreement when we filmed the funeral a few months ago, it would have totally shattered Wednesday night viewing for you.
Trying to cry on cue
At the funeral I pretended it was my hubby while looking at Patrick’s photo on the order of service leaflet. Which sounds all wrong written down, what I mean is, I wanted to see whether I had any acting chops, so I made myself cry each time the director called action by pretending it was my hubby or my brother who had died.
By the time we filmed outside the church my tears had dried up entirely. But not Asher Keddie’s. My goodness, that girl can act.
What a screen funeral teaches you about a real one
Here is the thing I did not expect from that day. A wardrobe department dressing forty mourners is solving exactly the problem you are solving when someone you love has died and you have to get dressed in the morning.
They need every person to look appropriate, individual, and completely un-noticeable, all at once. And they do it with a handful of rules that work just as well in real life.
It is not about black. Nobody at that shoot was head to toe in black: it photographs as a void, and in real life it can look severe on people who never otherwise wear it. Charcoal, deep navy, dark grey, soft brown. What matters is muted, not black.
One texture is enough. Wool, matte cotton, soft knit. Nothing that shines, nothing that rustles. Shine is what makes an outfit look celebratory, which is the one thing you are trying to avoid.
Cover more than you think. Not from prudishness, but because you will be there for hours, often outside, often cold, and you do not want to spend the day aware of your own outfit.
Wear shoes you can stand in. There is nearly always more standing than sitting, often on grass or gravel. This is the mistake I see most, and it is the one that will ruin your day.
Keep one thing that is yours. A piece of jewellery that means something, a scarf in a colour you love. You are not required to disappear. Muted is not the same as erased.
That last one matters more than the others. Funerals are the occasion where people most often turn up in something borrowed-looking and feel wretched all day on top of grieving. You are allowed to look like yourself.
Very dark sunglasses, for entirely different reasons
I needed very dark sunnies for a different reason yesterday, after being awake ALL night.
Believe me, I tried everything to sleep, including hubby’s suggestion of imagining what I’d do with $50 million. My heart was pounding and my brain would not shut down. No wonder they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture.
I realised it was my reaction to the two strong cups of tea I had in the afternoon. And maybe a few other pesky things, like stress and worry.
But a good offload and time of refreshing at my ladies group helped a little.
Dressing when you feel terrible
Winter has really kicked in here so this very grey outfit was fitting. This Striking jacket: yes, that is the brand name, scored a few good raves from the girls.
Which brings me to something worth saying plainly. On the days you feel worst is exactly when getting dressed properly does the most work, and exactly when nobody can be bothered.
I am not talking about full hair and makeup. I mean one structured thing. A jacket over whatever you were going to wear anyway. Structure across the shoulders changes how you carry yourself, and how you carry yourself changes how the day goes. It is not vanity, it is scaffolding.
That grey jacket got compliments on a day I had not slept at all. Nobody could tell. That is the whole point of it.
And the bling
Got my bling on with these special birthday gifts from my parents.
Cute story. Mum and I found this necklace last Christmas at our favourite holiday spot and oohed and ahhed over it, but walked away. I kept thinking about it and wished I’d lashed out and bought it.
Turns out Dad wanted to get it for me, and I was blessed with a beautiful birthday surprise.
(This is from 2013, when the Offspring funeral episodes went to air. The dressing advice is the part I would still stand behind.)
If there is an occasion coming up that you are dreading dressing for, that is a very ordinary thing to want help with, and it is a good part of what a styling session is actually for.
And now you’re Looking Good Girls!
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you … ” Jeremiah 1:5.